challenging adjustments

i feel like i don't have time for anything, even though i'm working probably way less hours than at my last job so long ago. well, by way of actual work i'm probably doing a lot more though. there is practically no downtime in this job, and no privacy, so i'm unable to do anything personal while at work. and i can't even step out for a bathroom break without asking someone to cover for me, which is kind of freaky for me. it's just a very difficult adjustment, after having so much free time for so long, and my last job before that being a tech flex time thing. i think i never really realised how much time i spent thinking about (if not doing) personal stuff while at work, in between other stuff. little stuff that i want to keep on top of, like my email, reading stuff on the web, arranging stuff with friends, making phone calls that have to be done during business hours... so now when i'm at home i have all of that plus all the other stuff that needs to be taken care of in life, like keeping my apartment in order, dishes washed, bills paid, whatever other shit needs doing, writing in my journal, other projects i want to work on, not to mention a social life. so say i go out to dinner one night like tonight, and when i get home suddenly it's already past 11pm and i should be IN BED already if i'm going to get enough sleep to be able to use my brain tomorrow, and none of my personal shit gets done at all. this schedule is going to require a lot of major restructuring of my concept of my world. feels rather daunting. right now i really wish i could write about a lot of stuff before it all gets away from me, but i can't. i have to go to bed. by thursday last week i was quite zombified. somehow i've got to get more sleep. and yet also figure out how to take care of my shit. in addition, a half hour is NOT enough time for lunch.

(but don't get me wrong; i'm not just bitching and whining. the job is a good job, and it's a cool place to work, with a group of what seem to be really nice people. i'm really glad i got this job. and i know it's the schedule most normal working people have. it's just a rather challenging adjustment for me is all...)