my space betrays me

i come home intending to try to be nice to myself and relax and be comfy and drink some tea and read and get my mind off of things, but knowing full well that i will fail, because my apartment betrays me. i come in and sit down in my chair in front of my computer, and there is just about zero chance that i will escape, because there is nowhere to escape to. i have no comfy space here. nowhere to sit and curl up with a blanket and a cup of tea. just my bed (a horizontal affair), the kitchen table (not comfy in the least), and this chair at my desk. and so you see that i am doomed, and instead of a nice relaxing couple of hours before bed, i allow myself to waste the time here, looking up plane tix for thanksgiving because i know it's something i'm supposed to have been doing, and then stressing about how expensive it is (because of course the days around thanksgiving are all blackout days), and how i wasn't even thinking about that in my stressing about the shrink decision, so now i'm even more stressed about that, and i just don't want to have to deal with any of this shit...

this is why i almost asked if i could just hang out at the chalet, sit in a corner with a book while G was busy, but i knew he needed the time to himself. of course that didn't stop me from being a pest on aim. and now it's bedtime already and i've squandered the time and lost my chance to relax and spend some quality time with a book. which of course i'm also stressing about and kicking myself for. so the hope for a nice relaxing/distracting/destressing couple of hours actually ends with in an _increase_ in my stress levels. go me.