brain and body

the first week at full dose was like riding a nice high. i was feeling really good, i was chipper and unaccountably optimistic, i was sociable and able to actually talk to people. i was also in a state of denial. then the wave crashed and i got to feel what it was like to experience my emotions on this ride. at first it was just strange and slightly uncomfortable, but the stronger the emotions, the more physical discomfort i experience. my anxiety is worsening in an alarming way. my lows are not as low inside my head, i don't get as stuck in my negative thought patterns, but my stomach is full of knots, i can't eat, sometimes i get extremely agitated. i feel listless and unfocused, like i can't dwell on my negative thoughts simply because my brain is flighty and unable to focus on anything at all. i don't know what to do with myself. the anxiety is scary... i never had any problems with anxiety until fairly recently, about 2 years ago maybe? i'm not used to having to deal with it, so i don't have mechanisms for it. i was sceptical how much i would be able to feel of the effects of the meds, since i am so out of touch with my body normally, but at this point i can say that i definitely feel drugged, and it's not a pleasant feeling. it's hard to even get my thoughts together to put them down here. i am in a state of agitation right now, fidgety, i keep looking around the room wondering what i should be doing with myself, my brain has trouble stopping on anything. i am sleeping more and with more difficulty. i had really strange dreams last night in which i kept dreaming about having some kind of parasitic possession, a mystical invasion or something, and from my dreams (in my dream) i was trying to figure out what it was and what to do to try to get rid of it. i have hardly any appetite, even when i'm not feeling the anxiety. i guess between the loss of appetite and the agitation, i'm probably losing weight, heh... my therapist is out this week, and my appointment to see my prescribing doctor for a followup isn't until the tuesday after thanksgiving. i'm really afraid of having to go through the next week without having anyone to talk to about what's happening. anxiety sucks.