limbo, stuck in

i slept for something like 12 hrs last night and still could not make myself get up to get to work on time. i'm not feeling the full-blown anxiety i was over the weekend, but there is a low-level agitation that is very distracting. it's hard to get myself to focus on anything, which makes work difficult. i'm so tense it feels like i'll never be relaxed again. the thing i keep thinking is that i just don't know what to do with myself. i feel stuck between... between everything, i dunno. my mind just can't stop anywhere. i called my doctor's office and wait for a call back from the doctor. i need to figure out how to get myself to concentrate enough to get some work done. bleah.

gnyeargh

i really wish fran were here today. i really wish there were someone who didn't have anything else to do or worry about who could just hold me and tell me it'll be ok. and massage me too. that would be good. my neck hurts so so much. i haven't been able to work all day. i guess i should go to the gym since that would probably help. all i want to do though is go home and curl up and cry. except really what i want is for someone to be there with me holding me, so i suppose i'd better go to the gym...

grr

doctor was supposed to call me back, they do calls between 5 and 5:30 after the office closes supposedly, but she hasn't called. guh.

like, duh

well, the gym helped a lot. a whole lot more than i expected it to. i feel a bit more relaxed now, and my head is so much clearer... if i weren't so lazy (and sleepy), i might take a bath, which would be nice and relaxing. i'll settle for a cup of tea though i guess. i will get a massage on wednesday and will present quite a challenge, so incredibly rocklike are my neck and shoulders. unfortunately my adjustment last week didn't do much lasting good in the face of the ensuing anxiety, and my neck is all messed up again, alas. at various recommendations, i looked into valerian and got some such thinger, so perhaps that will help, and i will talk to my nurse practitioner tomorrow. and apparently i need to take going to the gym as a serious necessity. yeep.