It is unfortunately true that having a psychiatric issue in your records can make it harder to get insurance (as I am finding out myself). However, I would encourage you not to let this get in the way of seeking out whatever care you think would be helpful for you. Good health is important, and I think that after a point it makes no more sense to struggle through depression unaided than it does to struggle through bronchitis unaided. If your insurance offers mental health coverage, I say take it-- that's what it's there for.
[my crack dealer suggests that i try releasing my desperate grip on the banks and take a ride on the river of my sorrow. ]...[whenever i've had enough and feel i need the distraction again, i can always pull up at the next dock. it's a cute metaphor.]
Based on my own experience, I frankly think this is a bad idea. It relies on the assumption that you can extract yourself from the river at will, which I think is not valid. For me at least, the quality of feeling in depression can be almost addictive. Sure, I feel like shit, but it becomes a comfortable, familiar kind of shit. I fear that if I don't maintain my objectivity, I will lose the ability to figure out that depression is not in fact a good place for me to be.
I guess it does depend a little on the situation though. If I feel depressed because of some isolatable cause-- say, the end of a relationship-- I tend to let myself ride with that and experience the emotions more directly, because I think it's more likely that I can learn something new from that and eventually make it out of the toxic stuff. But when I feel depressed "just because", I don't let myself go as far because I feel like I can't be as confident that I can pull myself out at will.
[it seems strange that for all the emotion i struggle with, i am so out of touch with the core experience of the feelings. i am constantly at a loss to describe my feelings in any depth.]
I've found journal writing to be very helpful for this. Once I allowed myself not to be so detached from my emotions (I too have a "why am i feeling this now, i should be able to deal with this, why am i so pathetic and stupid and oversensitive and weak..." mental tape loop), I found that writing specifically to an audience has helped me expand my emotional vocabulary and better articulate my internal processes. Also, it's cheaper than therapy. However, I don't consider it an acceptable substitute for talking with a professional. A good therapist can help you ask the right questions of yourself, and help you identify ways to make progress on your issues.
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Date: 2003-10-14 03:57 pm (UTC)From:[my crack dealer suggests that i try releasing my desperate grip on the banks and take a ride on the river of my sorrow. ]...[whenever i've had enough and feel i need the distraction again, i can always pull up at the next dock. it's a cute metaphor.]
Based on my own experience, I frankly think this is a bad idea. It relies on the assumption that you can extract yourself from the river at will, which I think is not valid. For me at least, the quality of feeling in depression can be almost addictive. Sure, I feel like shit, but it becomes a comfortable, familiar kind of shit. I fear that if I don't maintain my objectivity, I will lose the ability to figure out that depression is not in fact a good place for me to be.
I guess it does depend a little on the situation though. If I feel depressed because of some isolatable cause-- say, the end of a relationship-- I tend to let myself ride with that and experience the emotions more directly, because I think it's more likely that I can learn something new from that and eventually make it out of the toxic stuff. But when I feel depressed "just because", I don't let myself go as far because I feel like I can't be as confident that I can pull myself out at will.
[it seems strange that for all the emotion i struggle with, i am so out of touch with the core experience of the feelings. i am constantly at a loss to describe my feelings in any depth.]
I've found journal writing to be very helpful for this. Once I allowed myself not to be so detached from my emotions (I too have a "why am i feeling this now, i should be able to deal with this, why am i so pathetic and stupid and oversensitive and weak..." mental tape loop), I found that writing specifically to an audience has helped me expand my emotional vocabulary and better articulate my internal processes. Also, it's cheaper than therapy. However, I don't consider it an acceptable substitute for talking with a professional. A good therapist can help you ask the right questions of yourself, and help you identify ways to make progress on your issues.