as far as those phone calls go, it's hard b/c i don't have the patience to go over and over the same shit with someone while i'm feeling like i'm not doing any good. i certainly am more familiar with the other side of such conversations, so i understand what it feels like for them and how hard it is to get your mind out of those cycles that are keeping you stuck in feeling bad, but where does that leave me? i end up feeling guilty for resenting the other person's demands on my time when it doesn't feel like i'm doing any good. i think it would be different if i felt like i was helping at all? i dunno. i'm just not very good at being supportive of other people, and it's easy for me to start feeling resentful when it's a situation where i don't feel like i can turn and lean on that person when i need help, b/c they aren't strong enough to be supportive of me at all. i do care about them a great deal, and i wish i could help them more, but i feel like i've done pretty much all i can and they need to find their own path now, so i'm loathe to dump too much energy into talking to them. in times past i spent untold energy there... complex emotions, yar.
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Date: 2003-12-05 06:34 pm (UTC)From:as far as those phone calls go, it's hard b/c i don't have the patience to go over and over the same shit with someone while i'm feeling like i'm not doing any good. i certainly am more familiar with the other side of such conversations, so i understand what it feels like for them and how hard it is to get your mind out of those cycles that are keeping you stuck in feeling bad, but where does that leave me? i end up feeling guilty for resenting the other person's demands on my time when it doesn't feel like i'm doing any good. i think it would be different if i felt like i was helping at all? i dunno. i'm just not very good at being supportive of other people, and it's easy for me to start feeling resentful when it's a situation where i don't feel like i can turn and lean on that person when i need help, b/c they aren't strong enough to be supportive of me at all. i do care about them a great deal, and i wish i could help them more, but i feel like i've done pretty much all i can and they need to find their own path now, so i'm loathe to dump too much energy into talking to them. in times past i spent untold energy there... complex emotions, yar.