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my left eye sees more red
Apr. 19th, 2003 04:17 pmi'd noticed a slight difference in the colours that each of my eyes sees before, but i'd forgotten about it. noticed it again this morning. such an interesting thing... makes you wonder just how much difference there really could be in the colours that different _people_ see. that's always been one of my favourite questions regarding the subjectivity of reality since i was little.
"you get progressively better fits as you fit yourself better". one of the nicest things i've ever read.
also, this is a good idea.
geoff came over after he finished work yesterday and we walked up to indian rock. sat and enjoyed the view for a while, watched some people bouldering, i continued my quest to remember how to see photographs in the world. walked back and had thai for dinner. later we met up with anthony and his gf stephanie at thalassa, joined by primrose some time after that. this was the first time anthony brought the girl out, so we were all muchly excited to meet her. cute, nice ass, good sense of humour. i give her a thumbs up. primrose made fun of them for being "squishie" all night. no relief for anthony, buahaha. i got really drunk. found out from anthony that dana is moving to colorado and colin will probably get her apartment. i have this tendency when extremely drunk to end up sobbing, which happened after i got home over the whole apartment size issue. this is something that i apparently harbour a very high level of anxiety about, judging by the frequency of my dreams on the subject. i keep having these dreams about the apartment building and it having hidden areas and secret apartments and sometimes i'll be trying to move to another apartment and it will be really bizarrely laid out or something. my struggle to create a comfortable and usable and sanity-contributing (not detracting) space in this place is neverending. i so long for one more room. it feels like if i only had one more room everything (everything!) would be better. i'm fixated, obsessed... i need a Happy Place to call my own. i daydream about having a house. anyway so last night in my drunken state i was overwhelmed by this sense of futility about my living situation and cried and cried... sometimes i think i can make this space work. it's a good apartment. it would be great if i just didn't have so much goddamned stuff. and i have tried and tried to divest myself of stuff. but it just won't go. i can't let it go. i need it! and i have more stuff. i have stuff in my mom's attic in boxes. wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to provide a home for all of my stuff. but i'm not at that point in my life right now and i have to live with that. sometimes i feel desperate and just want to give up and move, find a bigger apartment, but this is obviously not the time for that, what with the lack of income thing. so i take a deep breath and try to clear my head and envision this space as workable.
BREATHE.
"you get progressively better fits as you fit yourself better". one of the nicest things i've ever read.
also, this is a good idea.
geoff came over after he finished work yesterday and we walked up to indian rock. sat and enjoyed the view for a while, watched some people bouldering, i continued my quest to remember how to see photographs in the world. walked back and had thai for dinner. later we met up with anthony and his gf stephanie at thalassa, joined by primrose some time after that. this was the first time anthony brought the girl out, so we were all muchly excited to meet her. cute, nice ass, good sense of humour. i give her a thumbs up. primrose made fun of them for being "squishie" all night. no relief for anthony, buahaha. i got really drunk. found out from anthony that dana is moving to colorado and colin will probably get her apartment. i have this tendency when extremely drunk to end up sobbing, which happened after i got home over the whole apartment size issue. this is something that i apparently harbour a very high level of anxiety about, judging by the frequency of my dreams on the subject. i keep having these dreams about the apartment building and it having hidden areas and secret apartments and sometimes i'll be trying to move to another apartment and it will be really bizarrely laid out or something. my struggle to create a comfortable and usable and sanity-contributing (not detracting) space in this place is neverending. i so long for one more room. it feels like if i only had one more room everything (everything!) would be better. i'm fixated, obsessed... i need a Happy Place to call my own. i daydream about having a house. anyway so last night in my drunken state i was overwhelmed by this sense of futility about my living situation and cried and cried... sometimes i think i can make this space work. it's a good apartment. it would be great if i just didn't have so much goddamned stuff. and i have tried and tried to divest myself of stuff. but it just won't go. i can't let it go. i need it! and i have more stuff. i have stuff in my mom's attic in boxes. wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to provide a home for all of my stuff. but i'm not at that point in my life right now and i have to live with that. sometimes i feel desperate and just want to give up and move, find a bigger apartment, but this is obviously not the time for that, what with the lack of income thing. so i take a deep breath and try to clear my head and envision this space as workable.
BREATHE.
