it was a day anyway

slept in and foolishly spent the beautiful afternoon sitting inside at the computer. crack was postponed till 5:30, which should've given me an opportunity to enjoy some of the day, but instead i was doing my assignment last minute. session started out slow and awkward but about halfway through ended up talking about theatre and how i used to think i would be an actor, then about my governor's school rejection and my feelings of never being good enough. it's really amazing how just talking about something that happened so many years ago instantly brings up all the old emotions. when i got home i looked up my old diary entries from that time, and i really got brought back to the frame of mind i was in then. it's so easy to slip into old habits. it made me feel like acting all bitter and emotionally masochistic like i did in high school. amusingly, i was planning to go see "winged migration" at the albany twin with the group beth was getting together, but reading my diary made me want to go to the movie alone out of some kind of spite. which is really silly, since those emotions have nothing to do with the people who would be there. i spent a lot of time in high school going to movies alone and feeling bitter and spiteful... once i got to the movie theatre i snapped out of it though.

met pld and beth at the door. cassidy (guy i met doing the musical Working lo those many years ago and see around town semi-regularly) was working the door and comped us, which was awfully nice of him, considering he didn't actually remember my name or where he knows me from. met jack upstairs in the theatre, but nobody else showed. the movie was really cool. amazing footage, gorgeous scenery, beautiful soundtrack. birds are surprisingly expressive. affectionate, playful, angry, grieving... anyway it is a very impressive film.

on the way home i was compelled to stop at andronico's and get some port. i swear i didn't mean to.

weekend update

thurs went to see project bandaloop with geoff at a warehouse space in west oakland that erik g tells me has a name that i've forgotten. market & 18th, not really the best neighborhood in the world. poor geoff with his preppy PleaseFuckWithMe vibe was quite paranoid. at least he wasn't carrying his dayrunner. we really have to do something to get him a more street smart attitude... me, for example, people never fuck with me. i don't call attention to myself, i'm not afraid of people, and i guess i project a rather offputting persona. it keeps random people on the street from giving me trouble, but it doesn't serve me very well in the making friends department... anyway, bandaloop was pretty interesting. very much a modern dance group that just happens to come out of climbing and suspend itself vertically at times. i enjoyed several of the pieces quite a bit and really liked most of the music they used, though some of the vertical pieces were a bit boring at times, i suppose because they were conceived for big walls and not an indoor setting. for a couple pieces they added some video of the performances in the wild to help convey how they were really meant to come across, but it's just not the same. i was a bit surprised at first by how few of the pieces actually used suspension, but given this difficulty, it was understandable that they would want to include more floor work. most of the dancers were quite skilled and very emotive, nice to watch in the intimate atmosphere of the studio. it was the opening night for this short run, so there was a reception afterwards with wine and cheese and whatnot. geoff got to touch steve schneider. we talked to our buddy from ironworks (who was doing some of the tech for the performances) for awhile. he had lots of great stories to tell, but the highlight was about the guy who had an arm and a leg and part of his back ripped off by a grizzly bear, but they went back and got the limbs and reattached them, and he was "ok". "that's not ok!" also, the story about his wife putting down contact paper while ignoring the automatic gunfire outside was pretty good.

friday night was tiesto. had a group of 8 people in two cars leaving from the chalet. me, geoff, geordan, devon, erik g, addison, and addison's friends eric and shannon. we stopped for a drink on the way to the mezzanine from where we parked at mr. s, and it was all downhill from there for me. i'm not even sure how many vodka/redbulls i had, but it was way way too many. you'd think i'd eventually learn how not to drink too much. i swear, if i haven't managed it by the time i'm 30, i'm swearing off liquor. anyway. we ran into pld and anisa in line, then patrick, paul L, aaron and friends showed up. mconst joined us later once we were inside, but sans friends he thought he would be able to convince to come. i think i had a pretty good time, even though i can't actually remember seeing tiesto. i have a vague memory of dancing, after convincing geoff that i could stand on my own, then a few hours had gone by and people were leaving. drinking so much that i can't remember the fun i had makes me feel REALLY FUCKING STUPID. i might as well have just hit myself on the head with a frying pan and stayed at home. and then i'd just have a headache the next day instead of feeling like death warmed over with an angry stomach. sigh. i stayed up for a couple hours after we got home, drinking lots of water and dancing some. mconst had stayed at the club but when bart started he came over. i went out for a walk in the grey morning to find him since i wasn't up to trying to describe how to get to the house. but soon after, i decided i probably really ought to get some sleep. kept waking up periodically to the faint strains of trance coming from the other room.

sometime in the afternoon, after a giant orchid arrangement fiasco, geoff napped for a few hours, then we went to get stuff for bbqing. quite a few people ended up coming over, and i managed to have a fairly good time, despite my lingering hangover. (never again! i swear! i really mean it this time...) unfortunately, instead of learning from my mistake, geoff took my lead and drank too much saturday night, so sunday we ended up just lazing around the house watching tv and didn't make it to any of the three bbqs that were going on. i made grilled cheese sandwiches and he swore my generosity would not go unrewarded.

interview

good questions from bene!

1. What led you to quit your job in the South Bay (btw, this is
something I admire you for having the guts to do).

well, i actually had a plan. that plan was to work for a few years, hopefully end up with some money saved up, and then go travel the world. i never really wanted to work in sysadmin, but i'd been hanging out with computer geeks in college, and it was the thing to do at the time for good money. after two years, i knew it was probably time to quit, but i was too chickenshit to do it. the commute was killing me and i wasn't enjoying the job anymore, but it took another year before my performance began to suffer noticably enough that patrick had a talk with me about what we could do to get me more motivated. it was only at this point that i finally said it would better if i just quit. and it wasn't until over a year after that that i got up the courage to actually go on my 3 month trip. it wasn't the year long trip i'd originally envisioned, but nonetheless i think it was a personal feat for me.

2. You're another mid american transplant, right? What do you miss about
"back home"? what's better here. Would you ever consider moving back?

i spent much of my youth in nashville, tn, but i was transplanted there from the bay area originally, so i never really saw it as home. but, i did live there for 10 years (from 8 - 18), so obviously it was a major part of my growing up experience. the things i've always said i miss are summer thunderstorms and fall colours, but when i go back to visit, i realise that i also kind of miss the small-town friendly atmosphere. nashville is a pretty big city (and fairly cosmopolitan), but it does have that flavour of southern hospitality. and it's clean and covered with lovely greenery. it's also fairly diverse and tolerant for the south, but of course nothing compared to here. here, pretty much whatever you're into, you can find not only a few likeminded souls, but a whole community of supportive and welcoming people. i also really don't miss the humidity. summers there were torture for me. i'm pretty sure i'll never considering moving back there, but i must admit, when i think of raising children, it does start to look kind of nice...

3. In your recent travels what impressed you most in other countries?
Where would you like to return to? Anywhere you'd like to move to?

i like old cultures, ancient art and ruins, so i was pretty impressed by the temples of angkor in cambodia. thailand was very beautiful. i'm easily moved by landscapes... new zealand was really amazing. i'd love to spent some significant time there, but i wouldn't move there permanently unless i was ready to retire to the countryside, because besides extreme sports, there's just not a whole lot going on there. i was impressed by the cities in australia that i saw, which were clean and pleasant. really i haven't visited anywhere yet that i don't feel i need to return to, because my time was quite limited. australia and new zealand each really need an extended stay of several months, which i would love to be able to do. buy a used car and drive around and really see the countryside. new zealand is probably the most beautiful place i've been and i didn't even get to the south island at all. one of the most amazing things there to me was the clarity of the water, especially after my time in southeast asia, where the soil is full of red clay and the water is therefore extremely murky. in nz all the rivers and lakes i saw were incredibly clear and beautiful.

4. Describe your favorite bike route in Berkeley.

i haven't really ridden many bike routes. it's hard for me to get off my lazy ass. the one that i try to do is up spruce and across grizzly peak to centennial, or to claremont if you're up for it, though i've only ever done that twice. it's nice to see the great views of the bay from the hill, and it's fun to zoom down at the other end.

5. You've been given the chance to live in the Berkeley or Oakland
hills. You can either face the city or Tilden park. Which do you choose
and why? Or would you rather just stay on flat land?

oh, i like hills. i like views. i like water and pretty sunsets. i would definitely have to go for the bay view.


ok, who wants me to interview them? leave a comment and the meme goes on.

some day i'll learn

that i should not debauch when i'm still getting over being sick and not back to full strength yet, because it is guaranteed to put me right back in sickland. grr.

audience

i haven't really figured out where i come down on the whole audience issue with lj yet. i kind of randomly decide when to make entries private. i don't really see why i should make them private most of the time, unless there are specific things i really don't want other people to know, which is rarely the case. the only real reason i usually have for making entries private is that i just don't want people to feel sorry for me. other people don't really need to hear all my moaning and bitching all the time... but it's hard to decide where to draw the line. if i'm presenting myself to others in this forum, when am i being dishonest by hiding things?